Living in university housing is proving to be a serious pain in my ass.  Don’t get me wrong: It’s wonderful being able to live on campus in a usually safe environment, but the rules are becoming such a pain that it’s making me consider other housing options for the future.

Sure, I understand the rules of living in the Village Apartments.  No alcohol unless you are 21, no pets unless they are fish, no stabbing your roommate.  But never being able to have the opposite sex sleep over seems like a harsh rule to impose on supposedly adult students.

But you bet your scholarship they are serious about that rule. The guest policy states: “Overnight visits of same gender guest(s) of residents in all residential units are permitted for up to three consecutive nights in a resident’s assigned University Housing space.”

Most students would think, “Cool, I can have my friend sleep over when he or she comes to visit.”  But please read further.  The second rule of the guest policy states: “Overnight visits of opposite gender guests are prohibited.”

This got me wondering whether this applies to students with single rooms. What if the “opposite gender” were to have his or her eyes open at all times?  And more importantly, does this apply to homosexuals?

The rules seem to consider only heterosexual couples.  Homosexuals get a free pass at spooning because they happen to appreciate the same gender.

I’m not one to break the rules, but they need further consideration.  I am going to stipulate here that when the rules were made, Housing was thinking of sex.  In their minds, I am sure they thought that prohibiting the opposite gender from spending the night would keep students from involving themselves in activities that would upset roommates.

So it seems that Housing plans to assume that a group of five girls in one room at night is a sleepover among friends and not a lesbian orgy. Three males and two females in one room overnight could raise some eyebrows, but five girls are harmless, I’m sure.

With that thought I invite the housing department to take a look at the rules for students living on campus.  I see no harm in allowing the opposite sex to sleep over if roommates agree about the visit. The same rules could apply for current same-sex sleepovers: no more than nine per semester.

But if Housing decides the rules will remain, I have one thing to say:  “My sweetheart is not a boy, just a manly looking girl. I promise.”