COMMENTARY: 8 Things we learned watching the condiment table at the Republican National Convention

“This is educational.”

Emily Bloch and Mark Judson

Monday night, two college newspaper editors more than 300 miles apart watched Republicans put mustard and relish on their hot dogs and thought the same thing — “this is educational.”

For two hours, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert’s team live streamed the RNC’s ketchup and mustard station via its Facebook page. As of publication time, the video has nearly 400,000 views, and over 10,000 likes.

Some of the top comments on the condiment table's live stream.
Some of the top comments on the condiment table’s live stream.


Menu items at the convention included hot dogs ($5), nachos ($7), soft drinks ($5.75) and bottled water ($4.25) according to a photo on Twitter.

Screen Shot 2016-07-19 at 3.32.59 PM

Mark Judson, managing editor of the University of North Florida’s Spinnaker and Emily Bloch, senior editor of Florida Atlantic’s University Press sat through the stream and saw all the glory moments — from mustard theft to this guy sticking his head under the ketchup dispenser.

Please, stop.
Please, stop.

Here are their takeaways:

1. “You get a napkin, and you get a napkin, and you –”

Probably stocking up for his car's glove compartment.
Probably stocking up for his car’s glove compartment.

With people taking as many as a dozen napkins in one stop and an average of three per hot dog, it’s obvious that the Republican party has a lack of concern for the environment.

2. “I love the Hispanics!”

Diversity was clearer than ever at the RNC. Just look at the “Nachos Grande” people could purchase for $7. Note that it wasn’t called “Nachos Big.”

3. “Have you SEEN the mustard stock lately?”

What does someone even do with a mustard filled water bottle the rest of the night?
What does someone even do with a mustard filled water bottle for the rest of the night?

The Republicans aren’t ready for raises in minimum wage. They’re not even ready to buy their own mustard. Check out this guy filling his empty water bottle with mustard.

4. “Why should I walk to the trash can when I can just leave my stuff on this table?”

This is just gross.
This is just gross.

Look at all those dirty napkins left behind. Would it kill these people to recycle? Credit to the venue for using the unbleached variety, otherwise we’d all be doomed.

5. “Women are OK. Men are just better.”

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As the menu listed, the only real entree available (come on, chips don’t count) was a hot dog. Which is conveniently shaped like a male’s anatomy.

6. “Yeah, can I just get a gallon of sugar to-go?”

Why are they the same size?
Why are they the same size?

For $5.75, you too could have a soda the size of the industrial condiment dispensers. There’s a problem when your Pepsi is as big as the mayonnaise jar allotted for thousands of people.

7. “So. White.”

We went there.
We went there. Photo by Mark Judson

We took a minority count at the condiment stand. Yeah, you read that right. In the span of two hours, out of about 150 people that stopped by, 10 people that weren’t lilly white dressed their hot dogs or took napkins.

8. “We hate America.”

Probably Gingrich fans.
Probably Gingrich fans.

Anyone who put ketchup or mayo on their hot dog obviously thinks this.

You can watch the full live stream here: 

Mark Judson is the managing editor at UNF’s Spinnaker. You can email him at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter.

Emily Bloch is the senior editor at FAU’s University Press. You can email her at [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter.

This story was published on both the Spinnaker and University Press.