Florida Atlantic University's first student-run news source.


Florida Atlantic University's first student-run news source.


Florida Atlantic University's first student-run news source.


What campus police do all day, with commentary from a cynical news writer


3:34 a.m.- False Fire Alarm- A fire alarm was set off in the student apartments by a candle. Maybe it would have been better to have sex in the dark.


11:31 a.m.- Car accident- There was an accident in Lot 23 caused by “improper backing.” There were no injuries and no good drivers.

1:28 p.m.- Medical- Someone’s shoe got stuck in the elevator track in the Arts & Letters Building, causing the person to fall and hit his or her head.

1:37 p.m.- Suspicious Occurrence- A visitor was driving like a maniac on the MacArthur Campus.

2:59 p.m.- Theft- A projector was stolen from the Arts & Letters Building, and later sold on eBay from a computer lab.

5:59 p.m.- Lost property- A purse was lost in the Student Service Building; the victim may have been too busy reading the UP.


1:50 a.m.- Burglary- There was a theft from a vending machine in the Breezeway. Way to stick it to Davenport.

9:30 p.m.- Medical- Someone was burned in Utilities, and not with reefer.


8:38 a.m.- Attempted Burglary- There was damage to a door at the College of Business, and damage to its reputation by Barry Kaye, Ph.D.

2:18 p.m.- Medical- There was a “disruptive patient” at the Memory & Wellness Center.


1:52 p.m.- Theft- A computer monitor was stolen from the College of Education and added to the eBay auction.


12:05 a.m.- Alcohol Violation- Someone was caught drinking outside of the Student Apartments. Maybe next time the person will drink inside the apartments.


8:56 a.m.- Panic Alarm- Someone accidentally hit the panic button, thinking it was the “party button.”

12:14 p.m.- Medical- A visitor fell in the Breezeway and was injured, but only his or her pride.

12:45 p.m.- Disturbance- There was an argument at the Student Apartment office about mailing a computer monitor and projector.

4:45 p.m.- Lost/Found property- A textbook was found at the Life Science Building, and a test was failed.


9:07 a.m.- Property Damage- A Parking & Traffic boot was damaged while on a car in Garage I. They’ll bring heavier tools next time.

2:19 p.m.- Medical- A staff member tripped on the sidewalk. Ouch.

4:50 p.m.- Suspicious Occurrence- A student heard a noise in apartment, but nothing was found. Maybe it was a ghost.


3:35 p.m.- Fraud- There was attempted credit card fraud at the Administration Building. “This is totally my parent’s credit card,” the suspect said while being dragged away.

8:31 p.m.- Medical- Paramedics treated visitor on the MacArthur campus, after driving erratically into a tree and tripping over a sidewalk.


12:14 p.m.- Burglary- A book was stolen from a professor’s office in the Arts & Humanities Building, and was found in the Life Science Building.


4:34 p.m.- Property Damage- A car in Lot 6 was damaged during an altercation, which is fancy police terminology for “noisy quarrel.”


4:32 p.m.- Trespass Warning- Trespass warning was given to a “belligerent non-student.” Brother Mica is back.

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