Florida Atlantic University's first student-run news source.


Florida Atlantic University's first student-run news source.


Florida Atlantic University's first student-run news source.


I fought the law, and the law was…what?!

Photo illustration by Christine Capozziello

This past week, there was a segment on the local news about a Florida law that makes it a misdemeanor for couples to live together and have sex without actually being married.

After further investigation, the UP found a whole slew of weird state laws. It’s illegal in Florida to keep pregnant pigs in cages, perform oral sex or corrupt the public’s morals.

The scary thing is that each of these laws was put in place out of necessity.  That is why we’ve compiled our list of the Top 10 weirdest Florida laws.


10: Anything other than the missionary position during sex is illegal.

It’s one thing to make this a law. It’s another to actually enforce it. Without a warrant, this could only be enforced if you were caught having sex in public, which is illegal anyways. That’s a bad day right there.


9: If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would be for a vehicle.

We aren’t really sure to who this applies to. When have you ever seen someone riding an elephant in Florida? When have you ever heard of someone riding an elephant in Florida’s history for that matter? The only way this is happening is if someone stole an elephant from a zoo. Last time we checked, elephants weren’t native to this state. Or even this country.


8: It is illegal to sell your children.

This is one of those laws that seems like an obvious no-no. But if you think about it, Florida was part of the Confederacy back in the day. So a law like this was probably necessary at the time. Fortunately, in this century, the law seems like a no-brainer.


7: Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

Really? What’s disturbing is that for the government to make a law prohibiting this, someone actually did it.  In fact, to get the attention of the government, there would have to have been an epidemic sweeping the entire state. Horrifying.


6: You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.

What’s strange about this law is how vague it is. The law doesn’t really state what about kissing your wife’s breasts makes it illegal. But just the fact the state government passed a law attempting to dictate your bedroom habits is intrusive and creepy. We feel bad for the first person who got in trouble for this.


5: Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

Falling asleep under a hair dryer isn’t a good idea. So much so that Florida legislators felt it was necessary to enforce this. This one is really a lose-lose. Unfortunately, we couldn’t find any records of a salon being fined for this, nor could we dig up the amount a salon could be fined. But, what happens if a man falls asleep under a hair dryer?


4: You may not fart in a public place after 6 p.m.

Really? There is honestly no reason for this rule to exist. This is more like a personal request that someone makes when you are staying at their house. With all the fast food restaurants around, this is one difficult law to uphold. If it were actually enforced, everyone in the entire state would be guilty. Imagine having this one on your record. Good luck finding a job.


3: It is illegal to sing in a public place while wearing a swimsuit.

This is one of those laws that makes you wonder who pissed off whom. Someone was obviously annoyed about someone else singing at the beach or public pool, so, like any good politician, he or she made it illegal. Thus American democracy lived on. Comforting.


2: A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine and/or jailing.

Lets be honest, single women are a commodity. Without them, the population would decline. So, stopping unwed women from doing an extreme activity one day of the week is an obvious solution. We weren’t aware that single women love parachuting, but apparently it’s all the rage in Florida. But telling a cop “well, everyone was doing it,” isn’t always a good solution.


1: You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.

Look, dishes and cups are expensive. We don’t need people going around smashing fine china all the time. This law was put in place for a reason. That reason is to drive you absolutely insane trying to figure out why it’s a rule. This is by far the stupidest state law ever conceived. Way to go, Florida.


(All laws found at www.dumblaws.com)

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