Like most college kids, I’m a man who loves my cartoons, but every once in awhile a character comes along that puts new limits to the word lame. You may groan or hiss, but nevertheless you’ll probably remember these, my top five lame cartoon characters of all time. And no, its not a coincidence that they’re all from Hanna Barbara, the kings of bad cartoons.
1. Scrappy Doo — Poochie’s got nothing on Scrappy, possibly the worst character in any medium. A short dog with a New York accent that shouted such phrases as “puppy power!” was the last thing Scooby Doo needed. Why could Scrappy speak fluently, while Scooby spoke with an “r” at the beginning of every word? Who was supposed to enjoy this character? Little kids? Chronic alcoholics? The world will never know. This is one animal that even the zealots at PETA wouldn’t mind putting to sleep.
2. H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot — In 1978 Marvel Comics’ supergroup the Fantastic Four were premiering in all new adventures. There was the intelligent and stretchy Mr. Fantastic, the loving Invisible Girl, the ever loving blue eyed thing, and the Human Tor…. I mean H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot. TV execs decided that if original member, the Human Torch had been in the cartoon, it might prompt children to set themselves ablaze. And so instead of keeping him on they replaced him with a comic relief robot. Sadly, hilarity did not ensue.
3.Ma-Ti — Of all the people to make an environmentally friendly cartoon, we had Atlanta’s resident destroyer of classic films and all around curmudgeon Ted Turner create the terribly politically correct The Adventures of Captain Planet. Each of the five Planeteers came from different countries and each had a ring that represented a different element, except Ma-Ti, the South American boy who had the heart ring, making him about as useful as a referee in a wrestling match. All he ever seemed to do was talk to his pet monkey Suchi, and get left behind by everyone else.
4.Snagglepuss — Exit stage left! I’m personally amused by this effeminate pink lion, but man did he suck or what? Like every annoying theater major thrown into a blender. If Harvey Fienstien had ever been turned into a cartoon character, he wouldn’t be too far removed from Snagglepuss.
5. The Great Gazoo — If I was making an animated sitcom about a prehistoric family, the first thing I’d add into it is a little green alien who serves as a bumbling guardian angel. On second thought, that wouldn’t work. Not that it stopped the writers of the Flintstones from going along with it anyway. Not even the wonderful Scottish actor Alan Cumming could make this character interesting, as he tried to do in the abysmal Flinstones: Viva Rock Vegas.
