Britney Spears has a movie out now, and it will undoubtedly be a huge success. Why? Is it because of her superior acting skills? Her Grace Kelly-like presence on screen? Or her midriff, which, according to the previews, does not go into hiding for the entirety of the 92-minute flick? Beep, beep, beep- I think we have a winner!
Maybe I’m being unfair. Maybe Brit’s tummy isn’t all this film is about. For instance, rumor has it there is also plenty of cleavage in “Crossroads,” between the shower scene, the bikini scene, and the two (count ’em – two!) underwear scenes. But really folks, this film isn’t trying to grab attention by showing off the “Pop Princess”‘s body. It is actually acting as a REALLY LONG commercial for her latest album. Hence the karaoke scenes slyly interspersed throughout what has been described as “a clichí©d script that wanders into soap opera territory.”
Still, I begrudge no one an attempt to capitalize off of the insecurities of pre-teen girls who hope to be beautiful, rich, famous and dating a boy-band member one day. Hell, Disney’s been doing it for years: Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty. All these girls end up with kick-ass wardrobes, hot dates, castles to live in and size-DD boobs. I mean come on, you didn’t actually think those were real, did you? But acne-covered, braces-clad, unsure-of themselves little girls won’t be the only people watching this movie. Acne-covered, Polo-clad, unsure-of-themselves grown men will also see it. They might take their niece as a cover. They may wait until the film reaches Pay-Per-View status. But one way or another these guys will see Britney in her underwear. Exciting, huh? Because that’s so much less clothing than she wears at a normal stage show.
For whichever of the above reasons “Crossroads” becomes a box office smash-and it will have by the time this column goes to print, I am sure-there is still the question of how Britney will top this monumental achievement. I mean “Glitter” sunk like a mafia rat with cement shoes into the East River despite the fact that Mariah Carey has more number one hits than anyone but the Beatles. And it took Madonna decades to make a movie that people were willing to watch other than when they were stoned at two in the morning. Is it a possibility that Britney is going to beat the odds and may have a new career on the horizon? Possibly so.
Good. I was worried about her. I mean a singing career can only last so long. Then you have to wonder how the poor darling will care for herself with only her millions of dollars, her famous boyfriend, her amazing body, her supportive family, her… hey, wait. Screw her. Um, I mean, best of luck to you, Britney! (No, of course that isn’t sarcasm… Ahem.)
