FAU’s administration often gets mad at the things we write about in the UP, but sometimes I get mad at the things people ask us to write about.

I got a call in our newsroom a few days ago from a guy named Mike Smith claiming to be a local inventor who “needs [my] help.” Then he performed what I consider to be a cardinal sin of journalism. He said: “I need you to write a story about my company and run a bio on me.”

Smith, a non-student who just moved to South Florida from New York City, wants to find students interested in creating an inventors club at FAU. Apparently, he had visited our newsroom weeks ago and claims I “promised to write a story” on his hopes for the club.

While I vaguely remember an older man with a full head of white hair coming to visit and babbling on and on about being a transplant New Yorker who has a few invention patents, I do not recall ever “promising” to do anything. In fact, I normally hate being told what to do. It didn’t really work for my parents, so it’s not going to work for you, buddy.

I’m not writing this to embarrass Mr. Smith. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but he’s going about this whole speaking-to-the-press thing the wrong way.

Here are some lessons I’d like to share from this experience:

1) Don’t tell us what to do
First off, the University Press is not a pizzeria. You can’t call and order an eight-inch story with a photo on the side. We don’t accept coupons and you can’t get a free story if you order in the next 15 minutes.

While I do think an inventors club is a nifty idea, I’m not intrigued with the idea of writing a bio on a guy who has a few patents and doesn’t have an e-mail address or a working Web site. When the club actually starts and Mr. Smith gets some students on board, I’d be happy to help out.

2) We can’t save your life
If you need us to write about you and your hopes and dreams in order for you to be successful, you need more help than you think.

Mr. Smith said that he “needed me to reach students” and that he “can’t do anything at FAU until [I] write about [him].” I think our paper is important to FAU students, but if we write about Smith’s hopes of creating an inventors club, it’s not like 1,000 students are going to call him to join. We’re cool, but honestly, we’re not that cool.

I’m always happy to help students promote their clubs and their events and to work with community members to share unique things that I think students will care about. But, the UP is not their only outlet and hopefully not the first place
they’d turn.

3) Get your facts straight
If you are going to call me and ask for help, at least make me believe you know what you’re talking about.

According to Mr. Smith, FAU told him that they couldn’t help him unless the school newspaper writes a story about him. Uh, yeah, that sounds realistic.

When I asked him with whom at FAU he spoke, he said, “Ya know, the people at the desk.” When I asked if he visited the College of Business or the College of Education, he said, “Of course, and I talked to a bunch of students in the Breezeway, but they were too busy doing their fraternity things.”

Hm, right, I believe you. While the latter makes sense, I doubt Mr. Smith talked to anyone. 

If you’re interested in helping Mr. Smith and starting an inventors club, all you need to do is find nine other students and register online with Student Development and Activities: www.fau.edu/sda/. And be sure to give Mr. Smith a call at (845) 548-9720. He’ll be happy to hear from you.