Let’s face it. No student likes rules, especially about how they live, breathe and party.

Surely the people who wrote the FAU Housing and Resident Life Guidelines manual had the students’ best interests at heart – as well as covering the university’s butt. But when read carefully, many amusing inconsistencies and contradictions appear.

For instance:

? You can have a toaster oven in your room, but not a toaster. (Are they afraid that someone might get injured by a flying slice of rye?)

? “Causing noxious odors is prohibited.” (Define “noxious” or stay away from Mexican food.)

? During severe weather conditions, you must unplug electrical appliances but still check FAU’s web site for updates. (Hope you have a good battery.)

? Riding bikes, motorcycles or skateboards is not allowed on balconies. (Bummer.)

? No candles or incense allowed in your room. (What about air fresheners and lava lamps?)

? Having a communicable disease could result in disciplinary action. (Unless you willingly join a leper colony.)

? The rules about alcohol seem like they were written by someone under the influence.

Students over 21 can consume alcohol in their room, providing they are not in the presence of an underage person and are only allowed wine or beer. So in other words, it’s okay to get drunk alone, as long as you’re not doing shots. However, “students who display intoxicated behavior or require assistance due to consumption of alcohol are subject to disciplinary action.” So which is it? I can get a little drunk? And finally, “the collection of empty beer cans or alcohol bottles are not permitted.” So if you do get wasted, at least you know you don’t have to clean up after yourself.