Human Sexuality & Relationship Advice Column
College students regularly engage in sexual activity. Sexuality is as much a part of our lifestyle as classes and exams. Even those who aren’t sexually active are interested in their sexuality. For those students who live in the dorms, the temptation is especially there. The lure of sexual experimentation is incredibly tempting when the object of your lust lives just down the hall.
We invite our readers to write in and tell us what you want to hear. We will try to address the most pertinent questions. From fetishes to first times, and S.T.D.’s to S&M, we aim to please, and want to deliver the most accurate advice and information possible. The content and success of this column depends on the feedback that we receive. So please, email us at: [email protected].
The purpose of this column is to inform, and create a forum for discussion of one of FAU’s most popular extracurricular activities. So, here we go: let’s talk about sex.
Q: I am a 22-year-old male virgin. I might be what you call a late-bloomer. I didn’t start dating until I was 18, and although I’ve dated, I wasn’t ready to give up my virginity until now. My current girlfriend is 20, and has some sexual experience. We’ve begun to discuss having sex, and I trust her, and do want to have a sexual relationship with her, but do I have to tell her that I am a virgin? Will she be able to tell? I am afraid that if she finds out, she will think there is something wrong with me and dump me. I really love her, and I don’t want to lose her.
Sincerely,
Shrink Wrapped
A: (Rosalind) Congratulations. In a world where it may seem that everyone is “doing it,” (when most actually aren’t) you’ve remained true to yourself. The risks involved in having sexual intercourse include various STD’s and possible pregnancy, so if you are ready, make sure that you protect against these by using some sort of contraception, preferably a condom.
Your girlfriend is a lucky woman. If she is lucky enough to have you, and also wants to pursue a sexual relationship, you must be honest with her. If she cares about you as much as you seem to care about her, she won’t mind that you are a virgin. In fact, it may be quite the opposite. She’ll feel flattered that you feel that she’s the right person to share something so special with. And if you feel that she’s special enough to share a sexual relationship with, she will appreciate the fact that you are a virgin. If she doesn’t appreciate you, she’s not worth your time. There is nothing wrong with your decision to remain a virgin. Losing your virginity is special. Your body is your own. When you choose to share it is your decision.
Your inexperience could bring you and your girlfriend together. Truthfully, whether or not you have sexual experience, sex with each person is new and different. So take it slow, wrap it up, and share something beautiful.
(Touchstone) It was once said that sexuality is the energy that drives the human machine. Whether you are a virgin or not, SEX is still an essential part of human nature so here are the pros and cons of your situation as I see them.
Pros: Some misdirected women might describe it as cute, not realizing that by social standards, virginity is truly the mark of death for a guy. However, it also means that you’re safe, as in not being a transmitter of something potentially dangerous, and an excellent candidate for blood donations. Similar to how cars with lower mileages are worth more, some women might find you more attractive due to the fact that you are ‘not yet a man.’ Of course this woman probably lives on a farm and turns butter for fun, but beggars can’t be stiff.
Cons: You have no idea what the hell you’re doing or how to do it, and it will be obvious, so you might as well scream out to the world. And if you don’t want to do that, you have to at least tell her. She might be surprised, but if she’s as special as you think, she’ll be o.k. with it.
A final word of advice: don’t take lessons from xxx movies, they’re all wrong and fake. Good Look, man.
“The Walk of Shame”
We’ve all seen her. Disheveled, smeared makeup, last night’s clothes. She steals through the early morning hours between the dormitory buildings back to her room after a night of passion.
We’ve seen him, too. Leaving her room just as most people wake up, nodding to his buddies, letting them know that he is “the man.” His overnight stubble and wrinkled shirt are the marks of masculinity, attractiveness, and desire.
So why is she the whore while he gets to be the hero? Why does she get the stigma while he gets the fame?
It’s because of the classic stereotypical standards that have separated the macho from the feminine for as long as we can remember. So he is hailed as a “pimp,” and she is branded a “slut” due to archaic ideals of men and women.
The truth is, they both are engaging in the same behavior. Plus, if they are in a steady relationship, only sleeping with each other, and using contraceptives, what they are doing is a perfectly normal thing.
Stereotypes of women illustrate them as demure, gentle, and pure. Women who admit that they enjoy sex are often portrayed in a less-than demure light because it isn’t considered “polite” for women to speak of such debauchery. On the other hand, men are supposed to be strong, action-hungry sex-maniacs that must get laid to prove their manliness. Truthfully, women enjoy their sexuality as much as men do. They just are hesitant to admit it because of certain societal expectations. And why shouldn’t women be able to admit that they enjoy sex? Doesn’t it take two to do the deed? If a man is getting laid, it’s likely there is also a woman involved.
There is also a jealousy factor. Other women (and some men) may refer to a woman who expresses her sexuality as a “slut” or other demeaning language because they are jealous of her looks, confidence, and boyfriend. (Case in point: Madonna) However, this isn’t always the case. Guys admire those among them who have “scored” because of the great pressure to ‘become a man’ through sex.
Having sex with many different partners is a great risk to one’s emotional and physical health and well-being. Without labeling them, anyone, male or female, that has many partners is at great risk for all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV, Chlamydia, Genital Herpes, Genital Warts, and other infectious diseases that could be life threatening. For more information on sexually transmitted diseases, please go to www.plannedparenthood.com.
To submit a question or a topic to “As You Like It” please email Rosalind and Touchstone at [email protected]. The University Press reserves the right to change the contents of any letter submitted to protect the privacy of anyone mentioned in such a letter. By writing to us, you give us permission to publish your letter, and edit its content. We welcome letters from anyone, and the identity of anyone who writes to us will not be published. The University Press will not publish anything it deems obscene or inappropriate. This advice column is written by students.
