Sex Rules

Sex+Rules

Carolina Fernandez

Have you ever walked into a room where the first words you hear concern dildos and vibrators? If you went to stand-up comedian Maria Falzone’s Sex Rules show on Wednesday night in the FAU Auditorium on the Boca campus, that probably best describes the experience you had.
The audience, mostly made up of athletes who were obligated to attend, reacted very positively to Falzone. She combined serious issues, like date rape and STDs, with sexually graphic jokes, images and sound effects. Amid all her comedic charm, however, there was one central theme: sex rules.

Falzone’s show started with no digression as she began talking about condoms.

“Condoms suck,” Falzone admitted. “We all know that, but it’s a lot more intense when you orgasm.”

Condoms were Falzone’s number one rule. She used the anti baby-making reason, but added that you can’t contract STDs with condoms and, in her opinion, it makes for a much better orgasmic experience because of the lube and extra effort involved.

Some of her other rules had the audience laughing and shocked at the same time. One of them was “don’t use drugs or alcohol when you have sex,” mainly so that you can actually remember what you did and do it again.

“Communication is important during sex,” she said. “And have you ever heard two drunks talking during sex?”

Falzone reiterated the importance of having a sober buddy, so on a crazy college night out you don’t end up with genital warts, which she aptly called “the gift that keeps giving.”

“It was pretty funny,” said Frank Berzansksis, a junior psychology major on the FAU golf team. “She did a good job making it a comfortable atmosphere.”

Don’t have sex when your roommates are next door was another rule. The audience’s reaction suggested that some needed to be reminded of that.

“I laughed so hard when she said that,” said Meghan Schoeller, a sophomore majoring in education, “I wish my roommate last year would have heard that one.”

In her more serious moments, Falzone talked in depth about STDs like syphilis and HIV. In one of her not-so-serious moments, Falzone suggested some activities that were entertaining and educational, but may have caught some students off-guard. For example, she urged audience members to buy two rolls of non-microwaveable plastic wrap, wrap it around their partner, drip warm chocolate sauce on his or her body and then lick it off.

Falzone picked different students from the audience to join her onstage for some interactive demonstrations. One of them was freshman Brad Wells, a theatre major who ended up tasting a mint-flavored condom and having one blown up on his arm.

Falzone stated that if she could choose one thing for her audience to walk away with, it would be “Know yourself really well and heal all your shame about sex.”