9 headlines about Carl Pelini you haven’t seen, but should

Former football head coach Carl Pelini and his defensive coordinator Pete Rekstis resigned this past year after reports of marijuana and cocaine use surfaced, making FAU football coach-less mid-season. They did, however, leave us with jokes — so many jokes.

Pelini has been the talk of the town since these recent controversial accusations surfaced, being reported about by news stations all over the country. His own assistant coach ratted him out to Athletic Director Pat Chun. Pelini cleared himself of the drug allegations in an attempt to get his job back, but was fired anyway for failure to supervise his staff.

While FAU scrambled to present the university in the best light, we scrambled to come up with headlines for our stories. These headlines weren’t serious enough for our magazine, but we couldn’t help but crack a few jokes — pun absolutely intended.

These are the top 9 Pelini scandal headlines we seriously considered running, but didn’t:

  1. Carl’s Crack Under Pressure

  2. FAU offense takes hit, loses game. Carl Pelini takes hit, loses job.

  3. Worst thing to hit FAU since Mary Jane (Saunders)

  4. Mary Jane Hits Student. Carl Pelini Hits Mary Jane.

  5. FAU Snuffs Out Pelini

  6. Carl Pelini and Pete Rekstis Resign: Joint Decision

  7. Puff, Puff, Pelini

  8. Pelini aims for bowl game, smokes bowl instead

  9. Pelini was gonna coach the Owls, but then he got high