Instead of searching for Bigfoot – which they seem to do every week – this week’s “MonsterQuest” investigated vampires in America.

You know, those people with horrible makeup who’ve read too many Anne Rice novels.

One such “vampire” must’ve been in her late 40s. Not only did she think she needed to drink blood, but she also felt the urge to wear clothes that didn’t fit.

The show sent her to a hematologist – i.e. a blood doctor – to determine if she had a heme disorder that made her crave blood. Based on the tests, the doctor determined that she was “in every way normal.”

And by normal, the doctor must have meant, as the narrator termed it, “tragically deranged.”

Apparently, most people who were dubbed “vampires” back in the day – and not by their own choice, like the vampires of today – actually had tuberculosis. Fortunately for this woman, she didn’t have that either.

Next week, the show will try to find the monster of Whitehall, an 8-foot-tall gorilla-like creature in New York that, no doubt, has some relation to Bigfoot.

“MonsterQuest” airs Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on The History Channel.

In preparation for next week, here’s a clip from an episode titled Sasquatch Attack – because, you know, Sasquatch is Bigfoot’s brother-in-law.