The seated audience waited with bated breath for what seemed like hours as the nine contestants for the coveted RSA-sponsored Mr. Honors College title walked back onto the stage.
Paul McCarty, apropos to his surfer lifestyle, led the line of studs in his snug board shorts with indo board under wing. Paul had wowed the audience by demonstrating a hang ten while guzzling a whole 8-ounce bottle of Zephyrhills water during the Talent portion of the contest.
Next to Paul was Charlie Zito, who took the time from his busy schedule of working in the cafeteria to compete for Mr. Honors College. Apparently, he was in such a rush, that he only had time to slip on his “I’m Mr. Talented” apron on his way to the contest and nothing more.
After Charlie, Owen Wilson look-alike Kevin McCaffrey hidden by his long blonde hair, stood aloof yet alluring, as a bottle of high-test root beer peeked from out of his lime green slacks.
Standing in slight contrast to Kevin was Joel Simundich, who, in the Bathing Suit portion of the program, donned a skimpy red bikini top while declaring to the crowd proudly, “C-cup!”
Brian “Slim C. Chillingsworth” Meola, the infamous Physical Expressionist, tossed his dreads and danced barefoot after demonstrating his DJ-ing skills on his own turntables to captivate the four professors acting as judges.
Next was Austin Boyle, whose All-American presence provided a moment of stability amidst the other deliciously eccentric contestants. Austin proved that one did not have to try too hard to impress the judges by performing his profound talent of blowing bubbles as peaceful parlor classics played in the background.
After performing his spot-on Backstreet Boys cover, David Martin basked in the glow of near teen idol stardom as pockets of female fans screamed for the 5’6″ stud. David also wowed the judges with his water safe bathing attire that included his yellow duck floatation ring, swimmies, and air-tight bathing cap. Mike LeFlem was supposed to follow David; however, a certain member from 80’s pop sensation Wham! filled in for the missing contestant. Sporting all-too-small yellow shorts, white gloves, and an official Wham! t-shirt, Mike had performed a quite convincing dance rendition of the Wham! classic “Jitterbug.”
Last but not least came Diego Arenas, the unassuming Freshman whose ribbon performance dance and subtle charm ensorcelled the delighted audience.
Alas, there could be only one Mr. Honors College, and as the judges tallied their scores, RA’s Carmen Blubaugh and Rigs Gjyshi continued to engage the audience with quips and jokes.
Moderating the program, Carmen and Rigs mercilessly interrogated each contested during the Q and A portion of the show in order to discover which man had the most charm and charisma. From describing their worst dates to explaining the most important thing they learned while at the HC to finally persuading the judges why they should be Mr. Honors College, the contestants were scrutinized by how they engaged the audience and by how clever and shameless they could be. Answers included Charlie’s apparent disastrous date with Dr. Mogul and Slim’s honest reply that “the most important thing I learned here at the Honors College was how to live with people I really don’t like.”
Finally the judges finished tallying the score. For his huge rendition of the Backstreet Boys cover, which included choreographed backup dancers and a rush into the audience, David Martin won the award for best talent. After wooing the judges with his smooth, debonair responses, Slim graciously accepted the award for Q and A. Although Slim also proved a convincing model in his black and white striped two-piece triangle bikini complete with black mesh sarong, it was Joel and his C-cup that decidedly won the honor of best bathing suit presentation. With one last stomping drum roll, the highly sought-after, Holy Grail distinction of Mr. Honors College went to the one and only Austin Boyle, who beamed with joy as Carmen placed the shiny tiara upon his head and as Rigs handed him the incredible gold trophy with a Ken Doll firmly attached to the top.
The evening was completed with guest appearances from former Mr. Honors College, Tim Case, and other HC alumni, Steve Nicole and Patrick Hoy who joined in welcoming the new Mr. HC into his royal reign.
