It has come to my attention that many environmentalists have decreed humanity a cursed, evil scourge upon this wondrous, beautiful planet of ours. Where there were once aesthetically pleasing forests, there are single-family homes, 12 lane superhighways, gleaming mega-malls, and imported cars, horrid icons that demonstrate the gross overconsumption of an unfettered, capitalist regime.
Where once roaring rivers ran freely and undisturbed, we now have mile long dams and reservoirs, to allow the wretched human access to needed water supplies and protect their gleaming homes and imported cars in the flood plain. Where once there were vast, undisturbed, open seas, there are rusty oil drilling platforms to provide fuel for those brand new gleaming $40,000 SUVs, parked in the three car garages of those brand new homes in the flood plain, for soccer moms to drive their spoiled children from piano lessons to classes in conversational French. Where shamans practiced medicine to keep 25 year old warriors alive for two more weeks, now stand pharmaceutical factories and state of the art teaching hospitals, designed to keep 85 year olds alive for two more decades, and producing Viagra to keep them happy for that long length of time.
Where tribal leaders traveled amongst trails 40 miles long to fight and die in battle, now are 400-mile long delivery routes to bring people their miserable personal computers they ordered direct from Dell Computer Corporation. Where once tribal councils debated over which man the woman would wed and essentially enslave herself to for the rest of her short life, because she dies in childbirth two years and eight children later, now stand glorious and self-important superior courthouses, deciding how much alimony the middle-aged broad gets when the Harvard M.B.A., dropped her for some blond trophy wife. These are the monuments to human innovation and development!
To this I add my humble thoughts on the subject of human development. It has been proposed by some moderate sounding people that we establish the concept of “sustainable development.” That is, we should weigh both human and environmental interests when developing public policy. But that implies sometimes that [that sometimes] human interests might outweigh environmental interests. That’s the kind of self-centered thinking that dirtied up the environment in the first place. Human interests cannot possibly coincide with environmental interests; they are mutually exclusive.
Besides, no one agrees on methods to tally the costs of development. Do we ask dolphins what they think about humans drilling in waters 300 miles off the coast of Florida? Then again, if dolphins are so smart, why don’t they just grow legs and opposable thumbs? Or should we consult Bambi before we kill his mother? The measurements and methods of analysis of the costs and benefits are as variable as the winds on a fair summer day. Almost every expert has a different opinion on the costs and benefits of pursuing different policies.
Some might propose that we merely put all human interests ahead of environmental interests and pave over the entire planet. It is not a bad idea, however I’d imagine that synthetic food isn’t all that palatable. Some might even suggest we just put all environmental interest ahead of human interests, but that is, too, extreme. Nor would it solve the underlying problem, humanity. Humans have developed a fetish with staying alive, although some numbskulls might just think its mere instinct. Humans, especially ones of European origin, have plundered the earth since the beginning of time. It can surely be expected that humanity will not change his ways.
It is time for humanity to realize that these mile high hurdles cannot be overcome. That humanity is inherently and completely evil, that everything that humanity touches is ruined. None of the previous solutions mentioned can solve the problem, stopping humanity from disturbing nature. There is but one solution left, mass suicide.
There are a variety of methods in which we, as humanity, could take upon this track. We could all join doomsday cults. That would be fairly effective, however there is one even more effective method for which one can accomplish killing himself, one that has been perfected by many Islamic terrorists; that is suicide bombing. However, one use must use only conventional weapons, no nukes! Indeed, if killing yourself is good, killing yourself and others can only increase the benefit to the environment and the planet.
I am convinced that joining al Qaeda or Hamas is the best way that we can rid ourselves of the ecological troubles of the world. If one truly wants to stop human development and progress, and destruction of any part of the environment, then the only way is to ensure that humanity ceases to exist. What truly better way than to join a group who encourages, finances, and directs suicide bombings.
